Fighting

I'm fighting the old demons tonight... The same ones that haunt my dreams are were encircling me.  Casting doubt, desperation, and yes even death around me tonight.  There are pieces that don't fit even still.  So many of the answers to the questions I've been asking for so long will never be answered on this side of heaven.  Learning to accept that is so difficult sometimes.  In the midst of what I'll call a tantrum I was throwing at God I realized something.  The words from the blog of a friend from college came back to me and stopped me in my tracks.  I need to be fighting with God not against Him.  I came face to face with this demon tonight and I believe fighting with not against God we won this battle.  I can even say I felt pushed back as my protector stepped between us as I screamed that the demon had no authority over me. I am weary from this fight.