Whole new level...

I am frustrated on a whole new level and trying to trust God through it all.
I was so thankful to see this come across on twitter yesterday. "RT @FlowerDust: The joy of the Lord is great strength. You may feel weak. Disappointed. Uncertain. Find your strength in his joy. it's more than enough!" Wow what a promise.

I had a second appointment with my orthopedic surgeon today and I'm discouraged by what the doc had to say. It doesn't look very good no matter what way I go. I wish I'd had mom there, I think she would have had some better questions. For anyone reading who doesn't know my mother has had 6 total knee replacements.
First, We are going to continue therapy and make my leg stronger.
Second, I will see a new doctor, who's name I can't pronounce, so I'm calling him Dr. Oxymoron because he's an orthopedic surgeon who doesn't do surgery. We're going to see if he has any ideas for alternative therapies that might work for me. Dr. W wanted to try this option first because the next option is not fun.
There are a few surgical options, however only one doesn't require a lot of rehab. The easiest would be to go in arthroscopically and clean off the back of my knee cap. I'd still have to work to do in physical therapy but only really be down for a few days.I vote for this of course.
With the second more aggressive surgery he can go in and do a lateral release like he did 10 years ago. That surgery failed within 3 or 4 years, so I don't' like my odds with that.
We discussed doing the most extreme thing but also what looks like it might be most successful at this point, which is what they jokingly call a button on the back of my kneecap. True term for the surgery is a partial knee replacement. I wanted to cry. But lets not do this half-way is what I'm thinking.
So I see Dr. Oxymoron hopefully next week and see if he has any realistic ideas. If not we proceed with the not so fun route. I guess I wait and see and pray. I'm trying to be positive and then I look at mom's scars and that kinda goes down the tubes.
All in all I'm just tired and don't know how much more I can take. I had a break down last week and I honestly don't feel much better than I did then. This is a strange kind of frustrated and I just want to move on with life right now and am stalled out. I know God has big plans for me but I want them revealed now! (Stomping my feet like a 2 year-old :) Patience has never really been one of my virtues. :)
I covet prayers as I continue down this rough road. Don't worry I still know God is good. He is still my shelter in this seemingly never-ending storm. I just want a little more sunshine :)