Tired of Grieving

Today was a rough day....In the span of the last 12 hours I have been informed about 3 separate deaths. 2 were parents of friends from my youth who both lived wonderful lives and fought valiantly against cancer. The third was the death of my cousin's son, who had not yet made it to his second birthday. He lived a life tormented by illness and pain. I admire my cousin's wife Marae, his mother, more than she will likely ever know. To me she models the Proverbs 31 woman in an incredible way. Ezra was adopted but you would never know, nor can you tell which among her many children are not her natural born. I feel so blessed to know this woman.
Today I was challenged; I was shaking my fist at God wanting to know why. Why does He take the good ones, the youngs ones, the ones I love, and leave behind, I'll clump them together as, the awful ones? I know, I know it's all in His plan. I know there are books upon books written about this subject, but at a time like this it makes you a little angry. I've faced a lot of loss and tribulation in my life recently and I'm quite frankly tired of grieving. No, make that exhausted of grieving. A year like I've had makes one have to search high and low for Joy. I've grieved the loss of countless loved ones and the most difficult, the loss of my marriage. My cousin Carl and I spoke for a while at the funeral tonight. He put the answer to my question so simply it brings me to tears. The reason the good ones go and the awful ones stay is because the good ones know God and are ready to meet Him, and God's desire is to have even the awful ones come to him. All we can hope for is that the example that the good ones show will bring about a change in the awful ones lives. Boy talk about convicting me. I have failed miserably in the "pray for my enemies" department this year. It may be one of my biggest challenges. It will likely continue to be a challenge. Thankfully God remains the same good God He always has been and always will be. He loves us even when we shake our fists and scream. He loves us when we fail miserably. He loves us when we can only offer up a "Broken Hallejah."

A hymn from tonight's service seems so appropriate:
Until Then

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

The things of earth will dim and lose their value
If we recall they're borrowed for awhile;
And things of earth that cause the heart to tremble,
Remembered there will only bring a smile.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

This weary world with all its toil and struggle
May take its toll of misery and strife;
The soul of man is like a waiting falcon;
When it's released, it's destined for the skies.

Chorus
But until then my heart will go on singing,
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.